Porch time fits in any budget.

I'm all for investing in experiences.  I love to travel, and I think spending money and time to see how other people live and the great sights of the world is worthwhile.  But some of the best time is porch time, and that works within any budget.

 Have you ever spent a hot night on a deck, the bug spray and the fans barely keeping the mosquitoes off you, listening to Mississippi people tell stories?  Only positive Mississippi spoken here.

Have you ever spread out a blanket under the stars with someone you are newly dating, pretending to be interested in conversations on constellations while each of you were really thinking just of the hopes of a kiss?

Have you ever kept a friend company under the carport while she smokes and vents her frustration with her job, her boyfriend, and her family?

Have you ever watched the sun set over the lake, listening to the blue jays, cardinals and robins give way to the cicadas and the owls?

Have you noticed how the conversation always turns from superficial niceties to the deeper conversation about what really matters when the sun goes down and the lights stay low?  How staring at the water soothes people to the point where, when the chatter reaches a natural pause, even the extroverts can stand the silence for a beat or two?

Have you ever sat in a rocking chair on the front porch with your significant other, half hidden from the street by the ferns in hanging baskets, watching the neighbor across the street playing with their kids and thought to yourself, “this is what it's all about”?

Porch time is all about contentment. It's about gratitude.  It's all about taking a moment to truly appreciate what you have – the friends, the family, the porch, the Deep Woods Off – and investing in the relationships with family, friends, and loved ones.

That porch is more than a place to store your Amazon deliveries.  Wipe all the pollen and the dust off the chairs and spend a little time without the TV, without your iShiny, without the constant stress and distraction of modern living, and just enjoy the life you've created.  Right now, today, before you hit your goals, before you reach your dreams, take a moment to enjoy the journey by having a little porch time.

Are your subconscious beliefs holding you back?

If you believed something weird about cats, it would probably come up in conversation and be addressed. “Everyone knows cats can fly for up to 72 feet,” you state.  “Umm, ha ha, no,” your friends would reply. But if money is taboo how would your weird money belief ever come up?

 Money scripts, or money beliefs, are those things you believe about money that may be holding you back from achieving financial success.  If you believe “most rich people got there by doing something  bad,” the odds of you “being bad” in your own eyes and having financial success are much lower than for someone who doesn't have this belief.  You might take the first job offer given to you without negotiating for more.  You might make the money, and then immediately give it away or waste it to be free of the rich people cooties.  And the most disturbing part is that you will likely do this without any conscious understanding of what has just happened.

 You see, you were designed to be efficient.  Back in cave man days calories were hard to come by, so your system was built to be very efficient.  Any extra fuel was stored as fat, and your wiring means you are loathe to waste any of those calories on unnecessary effort.

You might think just sitting and thinking isn't very hard work, but in fact using our conscious mind to evaluate options is actually a big fuel-consumer.  The part of our brain used to make those thoughtful, adult decisions is the slowest and least efficient part of our brain.  So whenever possible, our thinking brain outsources work to lower, more efficient parts of the brain.

That subconscious part of our minds is wide open when we are kids.  We take in what is happening in the world around us, in our families of origin and in the broader culture, and soak it in.  Repetition is a great way to add something to the subconscious.  So repeated conversation over the dinner table where judgement is passed against others, rich or poor, goes into the software.  Anything that is emotionally charged tends to go in as well.  So if mom and dad have a big money fight, the emotional charge you have sends that argument into the memory bank.

Most of us do not receive much formal education about finances.  While Sex Ed might have been limited to “the talk” with a parent plus the one day in Health class when the boys were separated from the girls, that's exactly two more deliberate conversations most of us had about sex than we had about money.  If you think the teen pregnancy rate is high, imagine what the teen debt rate looks like.

 One of the most enlightening things you can do, either with a journal or with a partner, is to work through what you picked up about how money worked as a kid and compare that to what you now understand as an adult who is doing financial self-education.  Were any of those values helpful?  Might some of the money scripts you picked up be true in some situations, but not in others?  Does looking back at those beliefs as an adult cause you to realize where some of your issues may be coming from?

Your thoughts create your feelings.  Your feelings drive your actions.  Your actions lead to the results you are getting.  If you don't like your results, look back at your thoughts.  Dig deep, into not just what you consciously believe, but also those beliefs you may have put on auto-pilot.  Are they true?  Are they serving you? 

Once you find those unhelpful beliefs, raising them up to the level of awareness is often enough for them to dissipate.  If that doesn't do the trick, pick a thought that seems more helpful but is still believable.  Work your way up from negative to neutral to positive and watch your external reality change.

Take a few moments to be still.

I took Lyft home today (because we are one car weirdos in our household and my husband had the car), and when I got into the Lyft, there was a sign stating the driver was deaf.  It was the best rideshare trip I've ever had.

 According to the Myers-Briggs test, I'm right on the line between being an introvert and an extrovert.  If I work from home too many days in a row, I start having strangely long conversations with the mailman.  But if I'm out and about networking,  I eventually wear myself out and need a break. That was definitely the case today.

Normally I chat with my Lyft driver, and I've had some really interesting conversations.  But today, the Lyft driver wasn't able to chat, which was a relief after a week with a bit too much extroverting in it.  On top of that, my phone was nearly dead, so I plugged my phone into the provided charger (this was a really good Lyft, I told you), shut my eyes, and tried to focus on my breath.

I was not raised to meditate and and am a bit suspicious of anything that seems weird and woo-woo, but the science on meditation is overwhelming.  Connecting with the part of you that is the observer (which I've yet to do – I'm much more connected with the part of me that is the narrator, which is like observing but with a lightly neurotic constant chattering commentary) and training your mind to focus can increase your ability to concentrate and to be at peace.

Or it may allow you to connect to the part of you that is just worn out and that badly needs a nap.  The hearing impared Lyft driver didn't even have the radio on (because duh, why would he), and by the time I made it home I was completely relaxed and out of it.

Usually I'm driven and task oriented, and I had plenty on the to do list for this afternoon.  But I got out of the car and out of my dress clothes and went straight to bed, and I slept all afternoon.

I've yet to discover the path to enlightenment, but the path to a midday nap is one of the perks of owning your own business (an therefore your own schedule), and until I get to enlightenment that may be the next best thing.

If you've been running too fast and working too hard, give yourself permission every now and then to take a moment of stillness.  You need the rest.  I know I did.

Lack of visibility and negative emotions are in your way.

Imagine trying to catch a catfish that's swimming in your bathtub with your bare hands.  Your shirt's wet, the floor's wet, you have half a dozen half soaked towels scattered around the room.  Feels a bit like when you pay bills, right?  Well, maybe not for you, but let me explain.

As you are imagining this scene, keep in mind catfish don't live in rocky bottomed, spring-fed streams.  Catfish are bottom feeders that live deep in waters like the mighty Mississippi, in water so murky brown you can't see your hand when it's just a few inches in.  How are you going to catch this fish with your bare hands when you can't even see what's going on?  And isn't there more fear, more anxiety, when you can't see what's lurking in the sinister, dark waters?

Now, imagine what would happen if, instead of trying to catch that fish (the fish is your money in this metaphor.  You got that, right?) in a dark world of fear and secrecy and shadow – imagine that instead you just pull the plug at the bottom of the plug.

Suddenly you'd have visibility into what you are doing.  And letting some of the fear and anxiety drain away make the job less fraught.  You aren't bad at catching fish, you were just so freaked out that you couldn't focus on what the task at hand really was.

People make it Mean Something About Who They Are As A Person when they are having trouble with money.  Please.  If you'd never had a lacrosse lesson and then went out there to try to figure it out, you'd probably suck at lacrosse, right?  Now, how many of you had a money class in high school?  In college?  Did your parents' advice on handling your money extend beyond balancing a checkbook?  Did you even get THAT lesson?  

 Here's what I'd recommend to help you get a handle on your money:

1)  You probably need a bit of financial education.  Take a course, read a book, ask a friend.  Learning more always helps to illuminate a situation and reduce fear.

2)  Drain the bathtub of negative emotions about money.  Meditate to get in a calm space before you pay bills or update your net worth statement. Work with a coach to uncover your limiting beliefs.  Build an abundance shrine in your walk-in closet (you realize a walk-in closet already is a temple of abundance, right?).  Take a deep breath.  Release the guilt and shame you've piled on yourself. Now that you know better, you can start to do better.

3) Track your expenses.  I'm a huge fan of You Need A Budget, an app which easily allows you to track and categorize your spending.  It also allows you to set up “sinking funds” so you can break large expenses into a monthly amount to be prepared for large bills.

 More knowledge, more peace, more visibility.  You can do this.  Catfish for dinner tonight.

P.S. Anyone else wondering how the catfish got into the bathtub? Metaphors are weird.

Read a book and change your brain.

How do you change a tough piece of meat into a delicious and tender meal?  Marinate it.  How do you change your own mind?  The same way.

The great news is that you are creating the results in your life.  While it might not seem like great news if you don't like the results you are seeing in the present, trust me when I say it is the best news you could get.  Because if you can accept that you (unknowingly) created your present through what you were thinking in the past, all you need to do to change the future is what you are thinking now.

 So how do you change what you are thinking?  One of the best ways to change your mind is the same way you changed that meat – through marination.

If you are not a good home cook you might not be familiar with the concept of marinating meat.  The cook soaks the meat in an acid, often vinegar or lemon.  The acid replaces the water in the upper layer of meat, breaking down the protein fibers (or something like that.  I don't know, I'm not much of a cook. You get the idea).

By “marinating” your brain in books, podcasts, and blogs on a topic you are interested in, over time your brain will absorb those ideas, and they will become your own.

If you've ever really gotten into Dave Ramsey, watching his TV show repeatedly or listening to him on the radio as you commute, you've probably had this experience.  After enough hours listening, you can anticipate what Dave will say to a caller.  You'll find yourself thinking, “where do they find these people?  And why would you not listen to a show for a few episodes before you call in?”  After enough time spent listening, you'll be channeling Dave so well you could fill in for him on his show for an hour and no one would notice the difference.

 How did you get to be such a wizard that you can anticipate what Dave will say as he scolds some spendy debtor?  Dave's message is extremely simple and extremely clear, and the constant repetition has drilled it into your own brain enough times that your brain has picked it up and added it to its collection.

Your brain makes little trails inside itself – neural pathways – for the routes it takes repeatedly.  It's a bit like running plays in football.  The constant practice means that when the time comes, you can take that track without thinking about it.  The tracks you laid in the past are not taking you where you want to go, so you'll need to make new ones through repitition.

We move from unconscious incompetence (I didn't know I had a problem) to conscious incompetence (I have a problem) to conscious competence (I have a plan and with a lot of effort I can execute on the plan) to unconscious competence (I execute the plan without even thinking about it).  If you've ever been halfway through your commute and thought “how did I get here”, that's unconscious competence in action.  You've repeated the route so many times it has become second nature.

So mine those books, blogs, and podcasts for the places where the people you want to emulate are thinking differently than you are, and repeat, repeat, repeat until those thoughts become your own.  Before you know it, you'll have changed your thinking, and inevitably after that, your results.

Start a side business for those sweet tax advantages.

Let's face it – the tax code is set up to favor entrepreneurs.  There's no reason you can't take advantage of that.

Ever wonder why the rich get richer?  There are many reasons, one of which is the way the tax code is set up to encourage certain behaviors, such as owning a business.

Let's say you earn $100 as an employee.  Before you get access to your money, taxes come out.  To keep it simple, we'll say you pay about 20% in taxes.  So, earn $100 as an employee, pay $20 in taxes, get $80 in spendable (or saveable!) money.

Now let's imagine you earned that same $100 as an entrepreneur, either in a full time business or in your side hustle.  Step 1, earn $100.  Step 2, spend money.  We'll say you spent the same $80 that you spent as an employee, and that your spending was on things the tax man say it's ok to spend on as business expenses, such as an internet connection and a cell phone.  You are left with the $20, which flows through to your personal return as profit.  It's now personal income.  You still pay 20% in taxes, but you are paying 20% of the money that is left.  So that's 20% of $20, or $4.  That leaves you $16 you can spend personally.

$16 in personal spending plus $80 in business spending gives you $96 you can spend when you earn as an entrepreneur.

Now I was an English major and barely made it through that one required math class in college, but even I know spending $96 is way more fun than spending $80.

Yes, I am oversimplifying this.  Different brackets of your personal income are taxes at different rates.  Some businesses (like C corporations) do pay tax themselves rather than passing profits through to the personal return.  And you can't buy just anything with pre-tax money – the expenses have to be the sort of expenses the IRS says are legit. But I'm trying to make a point here.  And that point is that if all your income is coming in from a paycheck from an employer, you are paying the maximum in taxes on that income, and missing out on some sweet tax advantages.

Do you have a hobby where you are already spending a good amount of what would count as business expenses if that hobby were a business?  Could you shift some of your personal expenses (such as that internet connection and cell phone bill) over to that business? Have you helped people out with this skill, had them offer to pay you for your time, and declined the payment, thinking it is just a hobby?  Would you consider charging people for what you do and making it a business?  If so, you should look into turning that hobby into a business.

Now, some of you may think you can do this without any intention of getting clients.  I'm not recommending that.  The IRS has some rules about the distinctions between a hobby and a business you should definitely research.  But if you are looking for a side hustle and already have the skills and knowledge, why not test the market and see if there's demand for what you are offering?

Often clients think their side hustle has to be in what they do for their full-time job or in something they hate (so it feels like work).  But you can take a skill you've already developed, an interest you already have, even if it is something so fun you've been doing it for free, and if people will pay you more for it than what it costs you to do it, BOOM, you have a profitable business.

Obligatory disclosure – I'm not a CPA, and you aren't my client, so talk to your team of advisors before you take action.

You can't get help if you are hiding.

If you watch old episodes of I Love Lucy, you'll see Lucy and Ricky sleeping in separate beds.   Thanks to the sexual revolution in the 1960s, we now share nearly everything about our sex lives.  It's time to have a financial revolution and start sharing our financial lives as well.

Somehow money ended up being the last taboo topic in America.  But does this really serve us?

By keeping our paycheck secret from our coworkers, we allow managers to pay us differently from our peers without having to explain the reasons.  Does Jack make more than Sue because he's taken on additional responsibility, been in the job longer, and gotten additional career-related credentials on his own time?  Or is it because the boss thinks he needs more, because the boss is stuck in old thinking about who the breadwinner in the household probably is?  When everything is hidden, it allows bad practices to continue without being challenged.

Imagine if we knew what our co-workers made, and even more juicy, how that compares to what the CEO made.  In fact, the Dodd-Frank reforms required companies to start reporting the ratio between the pay of their median employee and the CEO.  Perhaps this will be the start of a trend toward greater disclosure and sharing, thereby breaking the last taboo.

Let's start turning to our friends and family for financial advice the way we turn to them for career and relationship advice.  We'd be able to kick around ideas, brainstorm solutions, and share what we've learned.  Instead, many of us hide our finances, pretending everything is fine when in fact we are surviving, not thriving.

Some of you do share what's going on in your financial life, either publicly or with the people in your life you trust most.  Many bloggers post statistics of what their earnings were for the month, and many personal finance folks share the value of their investment portfolio or their net worth.   These fearless folks are putting it all out there.  I think one of the bravest is Gwen from Fiery Millennials, who keeps her readers up to date on her relationships, career, spending, and net worth with her status reports.  

Last Saturday night we had friends over that I've met through the Financial Independence community.  The talk ranged across a variety of topics – movies, music, and money among them.  Not of us had all the answers, and each of us had different areas of expertise.  But it was fun to weave finances into the conversation the way we should – as just another area of life we are figuring out – rather than ignoring it completely as if we never think about it.

What would change in your life if you started talking more about money?

What You Focus On Expands, So Focus On Building Wealth

Society tells us to focus on the physical possessions we have that can be touched and used and felt and observed by others.  What car do we want?  What house should we buy?  What new clothes do we need?  But all of that is focusing on the wrong thing if we want to build wealth.

What we focus on expands, so if you want to become wealthy, you should focus on your net worth.  I recommend clients make a net worth statement and update it periodically so they can chart their progress.

Your net worth statement is easy to produce.  Using a piece of paper, Excel, or a similiar application, list out everything you own.  Your house, your car, your personal property (that's banker talk for the current value of your stuff), your checking and savings accounts, and any investments you may have, such as a work retirement plan.  Subtotal all those numbers to give you the total of what you OWN.

Next, write out everything you owe.  Your mortgage and home equity line, your car note, any personal loans you have, your student loans, and your credit cards. Subtotal these numbers to give the total of what you OWE.

Take the total of what you own and subtract the total of what you owe.  That's your net worth.  That represents the sum total of what you've managed to keep out of what you've earned to date.

Depending upon how big that number is and how long you've been working, this may be quite a depressing exercise.  Some of you will owe more than you own, giving you a negative net worth.  This means you've spent more money than you've earned in your life to date.  Some of you may find your net worth is zero, even though you feel successful.  If all that stuff belongs to the bank, you really don't own anything.  Sorry to be the one to tell you.

But cheer up!  Your net worth is just the result of the consequences of the choices you made in the past.  You were doing the best you could given your level of financial education and what you were focused on.  If you change your thoughts, you will change your actions, which will give you different results in the future.

I suggest all my clients set a goal to become a millionaire.  While it may sound ridiculously big to you now, you can absolutely get there in your lifetime.  In fact, you kind of have to if you don't have a pension through your work.  You'll need that big pile of cash producing passive income to replace the income you now earn from working if you ever want to be one of those attractive old people frolicking on the beach that you see in ads for investment companies.

You don't have to save a million dollars – the market and compound interest will do the heaving lifting for you once you start investing.  If you are just getting started, your main focus should be on paying down debt and building an emergency fund.  But keep that goal in the back of your mind, stay focused on what you can do to build your net worth, and before you know it, you'll be a member of the millionaires club.